Contemplation in Harry's Mind
by evilo47
Summary: Attempt to show Harry's thoughts after the funeral. K only because younger audience may not appreciate it, but there is no inappropriate material. Just trying to write something different. Enjoy :


_A/N: I think I'm going to take a stab at some stream of consciousness style writing. Bear with me. I'm not entirely sure where this is going to go._

It was about an hour after the funeral had ended and Harry was still sitting and watching the white tomb. Most everyone else had gone by now, off to their various occupations in the wizarding world. Harry had barely noticed them pass for he was too much consumed with his own thoughts which consisted of what his occupation in the wizarding world was. He didn't think that he was ready to go on alone, yet he knew that he had to. He also knew that there was no way to shake off Ron and Hermione and it was tearing him up inside. The possibility of one of them being hurt on his account was unacceptable in his mind.

Dumbledore was dead.

This thought had been haunting Harry ever since the night on the tower. He could not stop the horrible replays in his mind - being forced to replay the death over and over with fresh pain each time. His last and most useful guide was gone. It left Harry with a very real feeling of solitude. Sure, he had Ron and Hermione, but Dumbledore had really known. He had known ways to help Harry. He had attained knowledge which would have been so useful. Knowledge that Harry could never have.

Because of Snape.

Hatred flicked through Harry's veins harder than ever before. It was a most abrupt change in his character. His teeth clenched and his hands became fists. Snape. The man had caused an uproar in the wizarding world and a void in Harry's life. He hated him more now than he had ever thought possible. Somehow in Harry's mind the priorities rearranged themselves - he needed to find Snape and make him pay for casting aside the trust Dumbledore had placed in him. He needed to see him hurt. Harry wanted for this to happen even more than he wanted to see Voldemort finished at the moment. Hatred can be fleetingly blinding.

Harry knew he needed to get to Godric's Hollow. Something was there for him and he felt it. Somehow that was going to help him start his quest for the rest of the horcruxes.

The horcruxes.

How would he ever find the Horcruxes? Harry had been thinking and he had come to the conclusion that he would have never found the locket by himself. If that was how one of them was guarded, how could he possibly manage to find the others and survive trying to destroy them? Hadn't just one almost killed Dumbledore? Harry hadn't faintest idea of where to start looking for them. He had hardly thought about R.A.B. or who that could be, but he did know that if he was still alive then he would most likely be an asset to Harry. Of course, Harry had a feeling that, as the note had said, whoever R.A.B. was, they were dead. Voldemort would surely have realized that someone had betrayed him and quickly disposed of him. It was quite unfortunate, then, that both Dumbledore and R.A.B. were dead, for they were the only ones that had known about the horcruxes as far as Harry knew. He doubted there were many that had ever known or found out.

Once again the weight of the task before him seemed to be crushing in on him from all sides. Harry was sure it was going to suffocate him and that he could never hope to succeed. The whole idea of what lay before him was entirely overwhelming. He simply didn't have a enough knowledge to conquer someone as powerful as Voldemort. Someone who had spent his life meticulously studying magic and its mysterious workings. Harry couldn't even master nonverbal spells.

Something about Snape's last words struck him differently. He had told Harry that he if he was to even hope to fight the Dark Lord he would have to learn to keep his mouth shut and his mind closed. After some of his initial hatred had subsided, Harry found this choice of words very odd. It seemed to him that Snape was trying to advise him how to fight Voldemort and tell him the skills he would need. Why would the enemy supply him with knowledge? And why hadn't Snape taken Harry with him directly to Voldemort to be finished off then? It would have been easy for Snape seeing as he had so carelessly flung Harry back. Couldn't he have simply bound Harry with a wave of his wand and carrying him along wherever he and Draco were headed and keep him as a hostage?

Maybe that's not what Snape wanted.

The thoughts were spinning in Harry's head and he wasn't quite sure yet what to make of them. Could this mean that Snape was still good? Harry couldn't think straight. He looked up at the tomb again and was thrown back into remorse and confusion.

Snape killed Dumbledore.

But he didn't kill Harry.

Harry knew that this meant...something. And he had a feeling that whatever that something was was extremely important.


End file.
